today has been a pretty crappy day...(other than buying my still un-named fish)...i have been feeling anxious all day....dizzy..and basically just sketched out..when i'm in this state..i do things sometimes without thinking...things...that i should probably do ALL the time..but i dunno...don't really have the "courage"...or the...(fuck dunno what the word is i'm lookin for)...to do..on days like this i tend to go inside myself a little bit...and really think through everything that is going on in my mind..in my life and in my heart.
i wonder why..that when I actually do this...act on some feelings..or thoughts that i'm having...it makes me feel sick to my stomach..maybe it has to do with the fact that i know deep down inside that the feelings and thoughts that i am having are true...and because i have acted on them..i am going to have to deal with the consequences....and actually face something that i don't want to face..and deal once and for all with everything that goes along with the actions i have taken?!?!
very cryptic...i know.
3 comments:
Aww,Love you Nicki.
I know what you’re talking about. For me it’s around the end of the month and it’s not PMS. I just think of things differently and get morose more often too. For me I’m better off shutting my trap even though I don’t. Then after I feel better I am full of guilt. Hope things get better Nicki.
hmmm very cryptic!!! but good on ya for doing something that took courage, especially if they have to do with the truth, that can always be scary.
if you keep this courageous thing up i may have to do something courageous..... involving a vespa ;)
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